Now the day is over i’m laughing at the joke. Ah so much to learn, on so many levels! so old and yet just beginning.
So I woke tired and stressed but still curious about how disproportionate things can get at 2am. ahh more time to sleep. oh no the caravan clock and hour out? hurry hurry. Drive to find my laptop lead, oh no its somewhere else. have i got all my work ready and finished i’m asked? to the studio. move the big structure by myself rather than face the stress of manhandling it with various people when i’m stressed ‘to me, to you!’ it got out of the door easily, sullenly sitting glowering out to sea. Dash about packing & prepping for the next school session, whizzing up paper pulp that has soaked over night, clogging up my blender with sticks. recharge laptop… no internet to look into this trainer job i’m committed to in the evening. try to sit and write my blurb about the concept which i hadn’t realised was required. too many interuptions. headphones on, bullet points a couple of paragraphs. time to go to school.
Another great session, this time with Sarah who’s themes echo mine but forms use ‘trash’ to come at things from a completely different angle drawing attention to the pollution aspect of our relationship with nature. She had the kids making plastic bag roses. papermaking. leaves with blessings on, beautiful words from the children again. back to studio. lunch, starving! to the beach with all my smaller pieces to crack on and get finished recording , documenting before dashing off to organise this job. a couple of photo and camera dies, it is so battered about now that it often won’t recognise batteries. this seems to happen everytime i carry tripod and everything off to the beach. stomp stomp stress. back to studio moaning and grumpfing like some moody mare. everyone offers to help. camera starts working again. back to the beach with the ‘blessings’ tree. great pictures, the sun comes out, the stress fades a little. stomp stomp back up beach. Lynn helps me carry the big structure, unweildy and heavy, over the slippy rocks. The light isn’t great, my camera is covered in sand and wrecked, but i’m just glad it is working. photos. Lynn helps me climb inside the structure, cage like now, covered in sand and sea. waves lap at my feet. Bruno-dog gets all protective, barking and trying to chew through the bars to release me! what a dog, a more protective and loyal friend one could never have, even if he can be barky and smelly! carry thing back to to studio. pile unneeded materials and dirty laundry into car. drive back to lochcarron regretting missing the group meal and presentations this night.
drive an hour. unpack and sweep out sandy, muddy, leafy car. dig out paperwork for this job, check e-mails, mmm somethings not right, make phone calls about the equipment i need for the training. eventually ascertain, that No it hasn’t been dispatched to the right location, so the job needs cancelling… after all that ?! relief though, this gives me time to catch up with work on computer for the exhibition on Saturday, sleep, bath? yay!!
Sometimes one needs to dig in to make things happen, sometimes one needs to let go and just wait, its hard to work out which is which sometimes. Ideas and plans become attachments all too easily, we cage ourselves in our own expectations. We are only strands of a much bigger web, the story is not just our own. To focus on the weave, the form it creates or the spaces in between? Stuck in our own heads. What nurtures and protects us at times caging us, can we see the difference?